Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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