Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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