You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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