People in love make me want to vomit
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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