when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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