I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
