Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
