how can u be prego again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
