the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize