Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
