i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Less talking, more tequila
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
