The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
