Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
