Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
