i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
