After last night, I could never be a politician.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
