His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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