I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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