I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
