Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Holy sore nipples Batman
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
