um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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