I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want nice things and good sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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