at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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