Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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