Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
