Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
