I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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