I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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