first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
