3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
