Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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