maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
