The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
