did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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