forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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