I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
