Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
