16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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