so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
