My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
