She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
