The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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