when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
