how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
