I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
