Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
