Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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