it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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