so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
