One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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