I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
