I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got inside last night via doggy door
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
