dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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