when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
