She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
