Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
