Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
