Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
