I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize