Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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