you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
