# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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