apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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