I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
