mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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