1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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