Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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