I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
