It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
