I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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