He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
