This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
