Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
